Just the Veggies, Please

... you can hold the jokes.

I had the oddest guy ring up my groceries at the store today. Let me preface this by admitting that I am an irritable shopper. Some people revel in the experience. I don't. That's because the times I can get to the grocery store are roughly the same time every other working schmuck goes, so it is ALWAYS crowded. I try to fly through a sea of carts and butts and get in and out as fast as I can. And then I stand in line forever.

The line part took extra long today. The cashier was a middle-aged guy who seemed to be going VERY, VERY slow. I didn't want to be one of those obnoxious impatient people, but I couldn't help but wonder what was taking so long as I waited for my turn.  

When I got to the register, I found out.

"I'm predicting less than 10 inches of snow tonight," he told me as he wanded my cucumbers.

"Huh?"

"Less than 10 inches." he said again.

"Um ... it's still summertime,"

"Yep, that's why I predict less than 10 inches!" he said proudly, then burst into chortling laughter.

I laughed politely.

Next up, he grinned at me as he added my shrimp to the grocery bill damage and said "so, what do you think a bowler's favorite vegetable is?"

"A bowler?" I was digging for my debit card.

"I'll give you a hint. You have some right here."

I sighed and looked over my produce. "I dunno. Squash?"

He shook his head and chortled again. "No! A spare, I guess." And he grabbed my asparagus and held them up with a flourish.

He rang up a few more things and then nodded his head and said "so, about those ten inches of snow. Whaddyathink?"

"Less than 10 inches. You're right. Good prediction." I smiled wanly and tried not to look longingly at the parking lot.

"Yeah, I know. I can't get you again with that," he said. "You've BEAN there already!" And yes, you guessed it. He held up my lima beans. (I hate lima beans. But Lee SWEARS I will like his lima bean soup. I'm willing to try, but at that moment I really wished those beans were safely back on a shelf.)

That time, I didn't even need to laugh politely. He had himself practically doubled over with laughter and wouldn't have noticed if the building had caught on fire.

The woman behind me was sighing irritably, anxious to get out of the store and on with her day. As I hurried away, I saw him grab her box of cereal and scan it, and heard him say "So, I'm predicting we'll get less than 10 inches ..."

Poor gal. She had miles to go before she could escape the grocery store.

I'm so glad to be home.